kat

HI EVERYONE!

I missed  you all so very much.  It sure is nice to be home.  My husband and I arrived home today (12/27) and I was so excited to sign into buddyslim. I have been gone for a week and one day and I MISSED YOU ALL TERRIBLY, I really did.  It was so hard not to be able to sign into buddyslim.  When I got home I did some unpacking, went shopping for some healthy food, and came home and got on buddyslim! YAY!  It feels good to be home…..it is always nice to see family- but to me there is no place like home or being able to live the way you normally live.

My husband and I went to see his family on Friday of last week, Saturday, and Sunday.  We celebrated Christmas and the graduation of his sister- it was nice.  Then we went to see my sister, her boyfriend, and my niece for Christmas.  Our niece is SO cute….she is 15 months and she had so much fun opening her presents…..and spending time with us…it was very nice.

Over the holidays I did not eat well- unfortunetely there were not many healthy choices.  I ate bad- but that is okay because I am back on track!!!!  One good thing was I felt pretty crappy from eating the food I ate and I looked foward to eating healthier, so that is a good thing…but I ate bad things and too much, but that is okay- that is the past- and doing that for a week is much better and healthier than doing it for a lifetime- so I will not let it phase me!

Today I ate well and feel better…so things are looking up!!!!  I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas….and I am so happy to be back and to catch up with everyone.

I am sorry this is short but I have so much to get done around the house and still have to cook dinner!  It will be nice to be able to check in on BUDDYSLIM and you can count on me doing that- now that I am back.

Take care and thanks for all being so wonderful!!!

Today my husband and I are going to be going away until December 26th!  We are going to see his family to celebrate his sister’s graduation at college and Christmas.  After that we are going to be heading to spend some time and celebrate Christmas with my sister and niece! It should be a very nice time! But…

I am going to miss you all so much!!!!!  I will not be able to sign on to Buddyslim :(  I truly am going to miss you all.  One of my favorite things about my days are signing on and hearing from all of you.  You have all changed my life for the better with your kindness and beauty.

Christmas is the season of miracles….and during this time you remember acts of kindness as if they were happening all over again….the kindness rekindles in your heart and leaves you in awe at the beauty of humans and their ability to be kind and reach out…you have all left me in awe and I want to thank you all again for your kindness, friendship, and warmth.  You are all beautiful individuals and I am better just by knowing you.

 I wish you and your loved ones a very Merry Christmas.  I hope your holiday is filled with love, peace, happiness, and memories that will last a lifetime.  I also hope that all the kindness that you have shown to others will be returned to you in the New Year.  Have a wonderful holiday and I look foward to catching up with you all next week!  I will be thinking of you all……

I can not believe how content I have been over the last few weeks.  I am generally a very simple person who really loves and enjoys the small things in life…..so I would say overall I am pretty content, but this feeling is different….I am not sure I have ever experienced it before.  I am not sure I can capture the emotion and explain it, sometimes that is the most beautiful thing about emotions, it can not be captured or explained but only felt…but if I had to try my hardest to explain it I would explain it something like this: I have been feeling as though I just stepped out of a hot shower, put on a nice comfy pair of pajamas and slippers, and have cuddled up to my husband for the night…..I am not thinking about tommorow….or I am not thinking about yesterday…..I am only thinking about what I am doing at that moment and how much I am enjoying it.  Usually I can become a bit anxious during the holidays because there is so much to do and so little time to do it in….but lately I have been thinking what the season is all about…and I have tried to make a pledge to myself that I would not become so wrapped up in everything that I would not take pleasure in the small and most precious joys…and I have been doing that and it is has been really helping- I am trying to take in the season for what it is…trying to appreciate all my blessings….trying to see only the good in people and acting as if everyone is enlightened except me….and trying to learn from others……it has been a very amazing feeling.

I think another reason I am so content is I am so happy about finally wanting to make a life change.  I know I have said this a numerous amount of times but I have to say it again: I can not believe this finally happened.  I have tried to lose weight so many times before but I have never just tried a lifestyle change.  I was always so strict and I always set myself up for failure.  I am not sure where this came from- I keep on thinking and searching- I know it is not that important where it came from- it is just important that it came, but after 25 years I have to wonder…I just have to.  It is amazing….I am so much more positive about this approach than I have been in the past.  I absolutely love how this is not an all or nothing approach…if I eat something such as a candy bar I do not just say “well, I ruined today….so I might as well eat a bag of chips, some pizza, and some more candy bars…” No, I don’t say that and I use to…..now I say “Wow, I am really hungry and I know it is not the best choice but I really want a candy bar.  Instead of getting a king size candy bar I will satisfy my craving with a miniature candy bar or two.” Then I go on with my day….exercise my body….and eat healthy…..I am being good to my body and I am happy about that….this is the way it should be….I should not TOTALLY RESTRICT OR DEPRIVE, I should not binge because I ate one thing that was a little high in fat or calories, I should not feel guilty when I eat…and I should feed my body when it is hungry, stop when it is full….and exercise my mind, my soul, and my body..,..This is a good feeling…I am so happy it came…it finally came…I am finally ready- I AM READY! I have never been so sure- and failure is not an option!

Today I fueled my body well.  I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast, I had some cherries, some cubed cheese and some crackers for lunch, and pork roast, potatoes, corn, and cranberry sauce for dinner.  I did have one coke a cola, a vitamin water, some milk, and water, water, water.  I did some exercising by cleaning the house and some light exercising and stretching.  I am hoping to increase my exercise in about two weeks….I think my body may be more ready by then….and I am looking foward to it.  I am going to do some research on some exercising for a larger body and see what my options are! If anyone has any ideas of some exercises I would love to hear them.  I am a beginner

I am hoping that everyone is doing well and has peace in their hearts.  I want to thank you for your continued kindness and support.  Everyday I am amazed and in awe because of all the kindness you have all bestowed on me!!!  I am VERY blessed!

I wanted to share a small quote that I found that I really liked.  I think it relates to this journey and the life journey in general:

“The self is not something that is found….it is something that is created.”  I love this quote, I find it so true.  We are all writing our own life book……….and we can make it WHATEVER WE WANT.  This truly empowers me- I hope it does the same for you!

**HUGS**

Warmly, Katrina

I finished my last class of this semester tonight…and I am looking foward to having a small break from school.  I really do love school- I am passionate about becoming a psychologist- and I have a true love of learning- but breaks always feel so great and refreshing!

While I was driving home tonight I could not believe what I was seeing.  I take this route two days a week to my college and somehow I missed all the beauty around me.  I was driving home and there were beautiful Christmas songs playing and everywhere I looked there were beautiful lights and amazing christmas trees.  There were Christmas wreaths and kids playing in the snow with their parents.  The stars were shining brightly and the mountains were lightly covered with snow.  There were people walking together hand and hand and drinking coffee and hot chocolate and carrying packages……it was so very beautiful…I am not sure how I did not notice it before.  While I was thinking of all the beauty around me I started to think of my husband…..and my animals……and the love the have for me.  The small beautiful things that are shared everday- like my husband opening my car door or the way my husband says my name after he tells me he loves me….I thought about the way our hands fit perfectly together and the way he strokes my hair.  I thought about the excitement my animals show me when I walk in the house EVERYDAY….the way they come up and lick my face and hands, and wag their tails…and the way my cats purr and rub up against my leg….and then I thought of my friends….all of you…. and how much support and encouragement that you all give me.  I thought of how you accept me and see the best in me…and how you take the time to let me know you care….and I thought- wow, I am truly blessed.  The holiday season has been hard for me- I lost both of my parents this year, tragically, and had to bury them three months apart…this is my first holiday season without them- and it has been very hard- but I was so happy to see the beauty around me tonight and think about all my blessings- in the midst of dealing with grief.  I know that each day brings new feelings and new ways of dealing- but today- today was okay and I felt a little bit of peace.

I had a good day as far as my healthy lifestyle goes! I had a good breakfast and a healthy dinner…unfortunetely, I did not eat lunch! I do not know what it is, but I have not been hungry during the afternoon hours- I wonder if it is because of how busy I am.  I am not sure- but I might have to just start making myself eat some fruit and veggies around those times!  I did a lot of housework today and that felt good- for many reasons, I like a clean space and it was exercise!  So I was very happy! 

Today was another good day- it really was.  And I am happy knowing that today was a good day.  I am hoping tommorow will be a good day and I will try to make it the best I can……I really do believe that quote “Yesterday is history, tommorow is a mystery, but today is a gift, that is why it is called the present!” In the present moment I feel good…and that is all you can ever hope for!

Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment.  I really do appreciate it….you are all wonderful people and I love to hear from you.  Take care of yourself….and just remember that your kindness is very much appreciated by me…and I thank you once again!

Wow am I happy that it is 11:15 at night and I am at home and in my bed spending time at BuddySlim, this feels good!  I like this feeling- it is a cozy feeling, a happy feeling, a feeling of contentment…and I like feeling content….I like feeling comfortable…I just like this feeling.  I love the feeling of being completely present- and I am present when I take the time to blog, respond to blogs, post on forums, and write my buddies. Being present in a good feeling.

Today was a good day- I am happy with today.  I actually had some energy, it was really nice.  I have been so non-energetic lately- it seems that I tire so easily, but today I felt energetic, it felt nice! I went to work (which was a little stressful, but that is okay and I got through) and after work I had energy to do housework and dance!  I actually built up a sweat doing this- but it felt good to let my hair down and move my body! I think dancing is a really good form of exercise…putting on the music and just letting loose felt good! I was surprised at how my body moved and how it made me feel! It was rejuvinating and I felt good about it! I was stoked that I was dancing, putting clothes away, doing dishes, and still had energy! It was nice!

Today I think I did well with food!  Breakfast was good- I got some protein in me and fueled my body with peanut butter toast and milk…lunch, that was not so successful.  I did not eat enough and I did not fuel my body enough.  I only had three pretzel logs…I would have eaten more, but one of my clients was in a crisis and became aggressive.  I do case management for those suffering with substance abuse issues and aggression/anger issues…so I had something that I had to handle….and after all of that I was only able to eat some pretzels…..but for dinner I got a surprise….dinner was made for me….how romantic and how sweet.  It was not as healthy as I would have liked it…but when your husband is sweet to go all out and make dinner I think it is okay to eat it.  He made mexican- seasoned beef, with shredded cheese, and tortilla chips w/ salsa and sour cream….and we had a salad with Italian dressing…I thought it was so sweet.  He also had dessert, one small piece of pecan pie with vanilla ice cream! What a sweetheart!  I did stay within a healthy caloric intake and after not eating much all day I feel as though that dinner was ok…so I am happy.  Plus I did work up a sweat and burn some calories today.

I am still feeling happy and pumped about this.  I am proud that I am taking better care of my body and even happier that I am doing this for the right reasons.  I am so happy I came to the point that I want to do this healthy and slowly and make this a lifestyle change instead of a quick fix….because it will ensure success and true health for my body. I am happy that this is not an all or nothing deal- I can have a piece of pie- and not binge because of it.  I am happy that I am feeling less guilty when I eat something not so healthy and I am happy that I want to take care of myself- truly take care of myself. 

It is okay that I am heavy- it is okay that it is going to take time for me to lose weight- it is okay that it will take a while for me to become more healthy- because I am me and I am ok- and I am worth it and my body deserves to be treated well and taken care of.  Everything will be okay because I will take day by day, pound by pound, and I will celebrate my success and forgive, embrace, and accept my flaws.  If I fall down I will get up…..I will not give up on myself- I will be kind to me and I will live day by day.  I will make sure to remember that most things you want are not easy….and most of all I will love myself today, tommorow, and always for who I am!

Thank you for reading and thank you for being who you are………

I am so thankful I found this site- I truly am.  This site does motivate me and everyone has been so kind to me- welcoming me, reaching out to me, accepting my adds, sending boosters, sending emails, wow- thank you all so much….I feel truly blessed I really do.  I hope that I am able to add to all of your lives- like you have already added to mine.  I am happy to have a group of people to go through this journey with.

I was thinking today- I THINK I FINALLY GOT THIS RIGHT.  I can not believe it…I truly can’t- because I have tried so many times before and never got to where I wanted to be.  But this feels different- it feels like I am ready and I want this- I feel like I want this for the right reason.  Before I wanted to be thin only to be more attractive or to fit into a smaller pant size (I mean this will be nice) but this time I want it to be healthy, to be comfortable with my body, to treat my body kind, and to have a healthy relationship with food- to realize food is not a punishment or a reward- it is a fuel for your body- and when you do eat something yummy- go with it, because it is going to happen- I mean, I have to live my whole life like this….it will not be magical- I will not lose the weight I want to lose and then be able to eat what ever I want and not exercise- it just wont happen…so just I know I am just going to take this journey slow and steady…and even if it takes 5 years to be where I want- then so be it- because in that five years I will have learned how to live a more healthy life- and that takes time…I am not sure where this change came from- but I am glad it came- maybe one day I can pinpoint why it came now- but I feel ready….this is what it feels to be ready!  I am so happy I am here- I am finally here- and it is okay that it have taken almost 25 years- because it is happening…it is happening!  Can you believe it- it is happening?  I am sorry, I just have to keep on telling myself, because I waited for this day!

Today was a successful day.  I ate well and did some exercising! I had a bowl of cereal and an 8 oz glass of juice, I had my chicken fajita from yesterday (because I only ate one of the two at my dinner, I had an apple, and I had some tortelini with pasta sauce, bread and butter, and corn…with a coke…..I am making a change…I really am.  I also did some stretches and some sit-ups…I could only do 5, but that is ok…it is 5 more than I have done in the last 5 years….and I am going to work up to 10….and I will!

Thank you everyone for taking this journey with me!

I am feeling pretty content right now!

Sunday- I really do like Sundays! It just seems as though Sunday should be a day of fun and relaxation.  Today my husband and I took a nice long nap together and it was really nice- napping is GREAT and Sunday seems to be the perfect day to do it! 

Today was a successful day- I ate well and did some walking.  I really do need to start thinking about what I want to do for exercise.  I have been making small changes so my body will not be shocked and I will not become discouraged.  I also want to make this a lifestyle change- I really do- and I want to follow it my whole life through- and I knew if I just changed my eating drastically, starting becoming an exercise guru after really having a sedentary lifestyle, cut out ALL soda, and just said I could not have ANYTHING at all healthy, and began measuring all my food, counting every single calorie, and thought I want to lose 200 pounds I would become stressed out and just give up!!!! So I decided not to do that to myself- and it feels good.  I am taking step by step and doing the best I can- because that is all I can do.  I have done the STRICT diets and I just cannot do them….I have lost over 100lbs just to gain it back and then some- and I am just not going to do that!  I am going to achieve this time- no matter how long it takes.  Make small goals and reach them…and then as I begin to feel more comfortable make more changes.

For exercising I am really thinking of Yoga.  I love working out my body, my mind, and my soul and that seems like the perfect way to do it.  I have seen some yoga tapes- such as Yoga for Any Body and some other plus size yoga tapes that I am thinking of trying.  Also, snowshoeing- Vermont is the place of snow- so I am thinking of doing that- I can see beautiful scenery while walking- it will be nice….Also, swimming- it is a total body workout and I don’t have to get excessively sweaty (which to me in uncomfortable) and I love the water….so I have some options.  I am going to make an exercise type schedule…..I am thinking of starting 3 times a week- just not to overload myself……and get frustrated…I think 3 times a week for 30 minutes will be a great start!!!  So…that is what I am going to do!!!!!  90 minutes a week and work my way up- that seems do able!

 I have a plan! Wow, blogging brings things out of you and gets you thinking! I am glad that Nancy gave me this idea!

 Awesome! ((HUGS))

Guess what?  Today I had a fun food day- that means of kind of did not eat so well- not excessive, but some unhealthy things- and it tasted good- and I do not eat like this everyday anymore- so it was like a treat, and I liked it.  But that is not the part I am saying “guess what” to.  I am saying Guess what I did not feel?  I did not feel GUILTY- and I think that this is good- very good.  Usually I feel so guilty when I eat unhealthy- but it is okay once in a while- and it is going to happen- and when it does- you should enjoy it, because you deserve it once in a while- we are all going to have those days that we crave something and we are going to eat it- and that is ok- it is human- it is all about portion and not eating it everyday…so I ate a little unhealthy- but I did not feel guilty- my relationship with food is becoming more healthy!  YES!!!!! I am going to keep on working at it- I really want this…I really do…this time I want it….I can not believe it- but it is true- I WANT IT THIS TIME!

So today- I did not eat so optimally (health wise), but it tasted good, I did not feel guilty, and I know I will eat healthier tommorow.  I also walked a lot today…..

It is all ok!  It is going to be ok- this time I think I might make it!

I am so happy I found BuddySlim, people have really been warm and welcoming.  It is really nice to be around a group of people who understand….

 I am also happy that I have finally started wanting to have a more healthy lifestyle- I am not sure why it just came to, but it did.  I use to hear when people shared their success stories about losing weight they would often say “I was just finally ready,” and I am hoping this is the same for me.

 Another thing I am happy about is I am not treating this like an all or nothing approach.  Before I would diet and if I ate anything less than optimally healthy I would just cave in and eat everything in sight- but that is crazy! This is a lifestyle change and I know I am not going to go through the rest of my life not eating pizza, or drinking soda, or having a brownie- I just have to learn to control myself and develop a healthy relationship with food…I want to do this…I really do.

 I want to be healthy- I want to listen to my body and treat it well- I want to feel comfortable in my own skin- and I do not want to struggle so much with food- I want to have a healthy relationship with it- and I want to feel GOOD- feel GREAT!

I am going to give it the best I can!